We’re back!

As you may have noticed if you’ve been here sometime in the last couple of weeks, we got hacked pretty badly.

I know God is a God of grace, but if I had my druthers, hackers would have to undergo something especially difficult to obtain His mercy. But that’s just me. I guess it’s a good thing I’m not God, huh?

Be that as it may, you’ll see the website here take shape over the next few days. You’ve been patient thus far, and we really appreciate it.

In case you’re interested, we have moved our hosting company and added a couple of layers of new security to the website. Let’s hope that will keep the troublemakers at bay.

Steve Webb
Webmaster

 

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My Dad Was That Man

 At 78, my Dad, Reverend Daniel R. Duncan passed away. It was Tuesday, 3:40 in the afternoon December 14, 2010. Fourteen members of his family were in the room with him, including his three sons and his only daughter. I’m his first born and I had the privilege of sitting at his right hand as he struggled to finish his life. Seven years after the onslaught of Alzheimer’s, and two years spent recovering from a stroke. “Nobody should have to live like this” he said just two months ago.

 I too, had my questions about the final years of a Godly man, “rewarded” by some sort of banishment, relegated to near helplessness and dependency on others for the smallest details of life. Wondering about the frightening experience of losing the things you are good at, in his case, assembling words and insights. But then I trust God, and follow Jesus Christ, because my dad did! He always spoke of spending eternity with God. It was a weekly mantra in his ministry. “do you know where you will spend eternity?” he would say at the close of every sermon.

 For me, it was not what he said on the platform that caused my determinations in life; it was the way that he lived! He was a genuine man. My earliest recollections of envy came at the kitchen table, hearing my dad recite humorous limericks. “there was a young man from Saint Paul, who fell in the spring in the fall, t’would have been a bad thing if he died in the spring, but he didn’t he died in the fall”.

 All of his children can sit for hours reciting his sayings, and his quotes from his own enthusiastic pursuit of the Joy in words. His Humor could be seen even in the seriousness of circumstances. He was required to send a note of acknowledgement to my teacher one year, to affirm that he knew I was being “disruptive” in class. His note read: “I understand that a general cessation in superfluous vocables is considered necessary for an atmosphere conducive to satisfactory learning conditions” He was a hit with my English teacher after that. She read the note to the class and posted it on the bulletin board for the other teachers to smile at.

 In his prime, he was a lean five foot eight with wavy black hair and a pencil thin mustache. He looked more Puerto Rican in early pictures than a man of Scot’s-Irish decent. He knew how to dress the part of the fiery evangelist he set his sights on from an early age. In a suit and tie he was all business. But he always looked more like himself to me in pictures of his brash and confident youth.  A Pencil on his ear, in a plain white t shirt and hand cuffed blue Levis. He was the country product of a Pentecostal upbringing born of Old fashioned camp meetings.

 Raised on the Western Slope of the Colorado Rockies, he had a fondness for all things outdoors. And it showed in his oil paintings of his favorite panoramas. All with the broad sweeping views of mountains, lakes and evergreens. Trees spreading branches to a bigger sky, was the way he saw “worship” of the creator that he knew. The details around them filled in with the signs of his early farm boy childhood: barbed wire fences and weather beaten fence posts, barns and bridges and discarded farm equipment.

 He sang often, out loud and without provocation. He accompanied himself on guitar mostly, sometimes piano, but always in sweet western music style and in his high tenor voice. Reminiscent of Son’s of the Pioneers or Roy Rogers singing “happy trails”. “Home on the Range” could have been his theme song, happy, upbeat with just a touch of transience.

 He was drawn to people and they to him, class clown and class president too of course at Delta High. He was creative and his flare for non conformity shined through in his choice over the usual daily dress of his peers, to rather wear button down white shirts with a different colored bow tie every day. “I only had seven or eight, but rumor had it that I had one for every day of the year” he mentioned.

 His body language was dramatic and demonstrative and his laughter was quick and loud. He wielded quips and quotes like an expert swordsman, balancing witticisms and a smile with his awareness of the hardships in daily life. He always led with humor and a handshake. And it served him well throughout his life. “I’m Dan and you probably know who you are” he was known to say even in his later years.

 He married his childhood sweet heart, Barbara Forney from the neighboring town of Grand Junction, Colorado. He rolled her down Main Street in a wheel barrow after the ceremony. They met at a church camp when she was 11 and he 13. A preacher’s kid friend introduced him to her, “this is Danny” he said “and he already knows who you are!” They both worked summer vacations through their teen years; “picking and packing peaches in the Palisades” he would love to have said just for the alliteration. They would later sing duets in his beginning ministry.

 After Bible College in Waxahachie, Texas, he began in earnest to pursue his primary passion and propensity for preaching. But only a personal relationship to God could have propelled him through fifty years of faithful service to God’s people. It is an often thankless job, not for a man given to a need to be personally validated frequently. Frankly I think he simply kept himself entertained within his own pursuit of insight. Something I recognize as part of my own inheritance.

 His best sermons were off the platform, in his daily interactions with those he loved. He was king of church socials, his easy laughter and good humor were attractive to the often downtrodden who could not miss the unmistakable mark of his pure passion for living and sharing the experience. He was a preacher, and though he loved expounding on the truth in scripture he was not a “bible thumper”. In the face of the failures of others he was surprisingly silent. He knew how to be stern without condemnation. Perhaps he understood all too well how we manage to punish ourselves sufficiently for our own mistakes.

 He pioneered churches and led congregations from Colorado to Utah, Washington State and finally several cities in North Carolina. He went from evangelist to pastor, teacher to counselor as needed. He delivered his official roles as church business administrator, sermon preparer, visitation to hospitals and house calls, funerals, weddings and baby dedications without the slightest fanfare.

 He never stopped being a father even as his own children left the nest. He joined my mom in foster parenting many boys, mostly those least likely to be adopted by a family. Already familiar, I imagine, with raising three non conformist boys and one girl cut from that same cloth. He was a patient man! Even the adopted children noted his dedication to ministry, up at six a.m. every morning to pray, read the Bible, followed by daily “field work” outside the house and church.

 I lived on the opposite coast from him over most of my adult life, but I remember him calling just to tell me a joke.. an Indian child asking his father “how do we get our names?” ,with a detailed and longer description of an Indian mother, after the birth, seeing the first thing outside the tee pee as a sign from the Great Spirit of what to name her child.. such as “running deer”, or “howling wolf”, or “soaring eagle”… followed by the punch line “why do you ask pooping dog?”  And I’ve laughed at that joke for many years after that call.

Even more remarkable is that all of his children  recall, upon discovering the humor in circumstance, a profound compelling to share it with their father knowing how he would resonate. And when I laugh, I often think of my dad.

After the funeral, many friends said “I’m sorry for your loss”. But I inherited more than I could ever lose. I can say as Jesus did in John 14:9 “anyone who has seen me has seen my father”. And later on in John 10:30 “I and my father are one”.  And when I look at my own sons I can still see my father. He shines through them in every nuance of their beings. I see in them his mannerisms.

 But the real strength of my father was that my father knew his heavenly father and lived as a sanctified and righteous man. It would shine greatest in how he handled the difficulties of his own failing health. I remember Second Corinthians 12:9 “my grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in your weakness”.  Suffering a stroke and many years of the steadily declining mind, that Alzheimer’s brings, he would often say, in moments of clarity, “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be like this”. And “I didn’t mean to have a stroke”.

 His grandson shared with the family that on a particularly hard day, in a belligerent and uncooperative disposition as a result of this disease, this man who’d given his life serving others looked at him with no sense of entitlement and said “I know what you are doing for me”. It was as if God had spoken through him directly, the words God himself would say to us when we are selfless and unnoticed in our service and kindness to others. My Dad was that man!

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newest Radio Rehab Script.."I gotta Get some better thoughts"

Radio Rehab Road to Redemption show #50

Responsibilities for Happiness… choose your thoughts

 Got to Get You Into My Life / Earth Wind & Fire  This is the Road To Redemption… And I’m Bryan Duncan, the host who’s responsible for my own happiness, trouble is I’m dwelling on the past, worryin about the future, whining about what yer doing… if I wanna be happy I gotta get some better thoughts.

(at 1:00)If I’m gonna find any happiness in life, I think it comes down to this one responsibility over all of em. I’m responsible to choose what I think about. Now is that Good News or what?

 (2:37)I’ve at least reached a point where I can actually think about what I’m thinking about. It’s called awareness.. and yes it might look to you like paranoia if yer new to recovery

(3:40) Welcome to Radio Rehab… talking about puttin good thoughts in yer own head…think of it as an Easter Egg hunt,… it’s a responsibility for reasonable happiness.. so maybe we’ll need to start a new collection of thoughts…. Remember … you can’t improve a defect.. it has to be replaced..

So how about writing down your specific bad thoughts… and for each of em find a replacement…

.Ain’t Nothin’ Nice   Jon Cleary and the Absolute Gentlemen ( 3:54) in a book called God is closer than you think..John Ortberg says: In reality, each thought we have carries with it a little spiritual power, a tug toward or away from God. No thought is purely neutral.

I’d say thoughts are like cats… feed one of em and you’ll inherit a family of like minded strays.

“The way a person thinks determines character and actions” it says in Proverbs..

“Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy,  Philippians 4:8 says —think about such things.”

Thoughts gain strength by repetition   I guess we need to start a collection of inspiring thoughts to keep repeating…theres a reason recovery has so many little sayings … it’s to help us get out of all that stinkin’ thinkin’….

I’m not a therapist, I don’t even play one on this show. But maybe you wanna join me in a new thought collection.

why don’t you write down the thought that just keeps spinning you out… if you don’t remember it exactly… wait a minute… it’ll be coming back around any minute now… these nasty little things have to be specifically replaced with something new. I think it’s what the book of Romans means when it talks about being “transformed by the renewing of your mind”… you feeling happy yet.. cause this music is changing my thoughts right now

This background music is from Jon Cleary and the extraordinary gentleman… cut called “Ain’t nuttin nice”… I picked it cause that’s whats in my head!

One Track Mind… Eric Clapton (5:03)

I can’t always tell the difference between good and bad thoughts cause some bad thoughts feel pretty good like, thoughts of, revenge or lust…

 (1:15)Martin Luther says “you can’t keep the birds from flyin over your head, but you can certainly keep them from building a nest in your hair”

(2:50)Not all of our shabby thoughts are terrible, they’ve just been misdirected.. can’t always throw out the truth cause it don’t feel good…happiness might require the responsibility to take an uncomfortable thought and attach it to a principle of hope…

 (in the fade) “I gotta one track mind” Clapton sings… it’s not a bad thing if yer on the right track…but I gotta get on a better track when it comes to my thought life …

 Recognize A Lover From A Thief   .. Bryan Duncan   (4:21)

 The way a thought makes me feel might not be the best ties to the right track .. it might come down to the direction the rail is pointing. Thing is if we could recognize a bad thought in the beginning we probably wouldn’t choose em…but in the moments without a thought.. two opposing thoughts might look the same..

(1:and now it’s time for…Life outta step: I’m already havin negative thoughts about overcoming my negative thoughts!  It’ll never work! This is stupid, oh, great another goofy exercise…and it won’t last more than two weeks tops…besides I’ve made an art form out of painting a dark cloud in to every silver lining! Check out the canvas I’m painting on the back of…with the right splash I can just hide my negative thoughts  in a wonderful sense of humor, some people like to refer to as “Sarcasm”. A bad attitude gets a good laugh from the back of the room. That’s where I am most of the time. I don’t have the time for the homework and the rehearsal it’s gonna take to find a happy buzz word to alter the course of my negative course. Of course, I’ll probably never be happy either….

 Dear God, Seriously, help us get rid of these awful thoughts…and this bad attitude…we want to think healthy so that we might be happy…amen…

 Sleep like a Child… Joss Stone (5:22 needs to be out by 3:22)

 At the fade…Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus

 Joss Stone, Sleep Like a Child…

 Things You Bring.. Bryan Duncan n the NehoSoul Band (6:27)

“A great many people think they’re thinking when they’re merely rearranging their prejudices.” William James says…

 “we’re all about as happy as we choose to be”.. is what Abraham Lincoln said, and look where he was, in the middle of a civil war and to top it off, living with a spouse suffering from depression.

 (At 3:40)  You’ve been listening to Radio Rehab with me Bryan Duncan and I’d like to leave you with a little story from my childhood.

…. I used to play a little game in church when a visiting evangelist would come to town, as a way of stayin awake through the sermon… many speakers often rely on an irritating quirk to fill gaps in their thoughts. One such man, as a matter of insecurity and a way of keeping the crowd with him, would end his every thought with Amen in the form of a question.. I could not get his message for the constant repetition of one annoying word. Not that I was really trying to get it at this point . But I found a wonderful way to get through the boredom by coughing after each use of the word “amen”. I think this is how we must attempt to be aware of negative thoughts. But rather than clearing yer throat, how about clearing your head with a broom like phrase, or quote, a scripture perhaps, or even a joke anything that alters the course of your thoughts…

So how about starting with this little goody.. it’s kept me moving through some real hard times… “ keep coming back”

 

You’ve been listening to Radio Rehab on your transformation station…..(tag adlib)

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To All Who've Commented Here

Thanks so much for the interaction. This website is a great place to post longer reads. I’m always surprised when someone reads more than a paragraph!

should you like to post comments and get a quicker response, I’ve found it easier to casually address individuals directly on Twitter.com!

go to www.twitter.com/bryan_duncan if you’d like a direct response. I’m on their almost daily at some point. even now I’m finding a new road in Social Media.

my website will still remain a home for pictures and longer reads and especially for sales of music and such. But like the world itself we are all finding an ever changing universe.

I have a harder time with change these days but after the initial complaints I’m discovering a whole new adventure. It’s not familiar territory but at least I’m not bored! 8). kinda like a roller coaster ride at some point.

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Horrified

I read the comment of someone traveling over 8 hours to see me sing at a church and I only did two songs! I know that some things are out of my control. But this continues to haunt me.

Every musician and artist goes through the highs and lows of popularity. But concerts as a way of outreach has been horribly discounted in recent years and with the decline of the music business in the way of hard sales of product due to downloading and theft  has left me in a position of attaching myself to what ever draws the audience.

I have spent countless hours before God, in anticipation of a new vision with regards to what I’m doing. Touring holds no passion for me these days. The road life was so unproductive for me as to leave me nearly corrupted. The cost was enormous! And my losses in the way of community and family have left me with a floundering sense of true purpose.

I’m incredibly slow at processing my dilemma’s. I remain stuck in my own denial. my persception is untrustworthy mostly. I become paranoid about what I believe to be happening. Is it merely my own decline? or is there a decline everywhere, that music is not the force that it once was.

Is it just that older people (like myself) just don’t have time to attend concerts? Unless drinks are served in a comfortable and entertaining atmosphere no one makes the effort.

true that one man will travel 8 hours to hear me sing. but those ten minutes away find some distraction that prevents them from attending.  and so I am relegated to participating in someone else’s agenda.

The information super highway has made it hard to get anyone’s attention for more than a few seconds and the demand for new material is almost oppressive. Headlines with little content continues to be the wave. Give me the readers digest version. I’ll check out “Whatever” for dummies and move on.

Clearly the world has drastically changed and I have not kept up. Typical old person feeling I’m sure. “the world went and got itself in a big damn hurry” says a convict getting out after a 20 year prison sentence. In the movie Shawshank Redemption.

“Either get busy livin or get busy dyin” they add in that story. I’m choosing life myself. but I’m also like the star character in this movie. Tunneling through 200 feet of stone wall with a small rock hammer!

Here’s prayin that we may find what God intends because all else is a waste of time. If it is darkest just before the dawn… then surely the dawn is at hand now more than ever!

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All Biscuits and Gravy

Don’t know when my life changed exactly but this weekend was a fine example of a reversal of fortune. All my gigs were in the morning. It used to be that Friday and Saturday night went into the early morning but they started at night at least.

Saturday I had a blessed little biker blessing event to sing at. Sponsored by my own Black Sheep chapter. It was a bike blessing and they served a Biscuits  and Gravy breakfast. I was drinking the cravy from a bowl after my presentation. It was that good.

I got the idea to bring my bike hauler and use it for a little stage. It was a perfect set up for a parking lot concert. My friend Derek Hughes set up a tight little p.a. system to and I parked a sweet Harley in front of the stage for effect.

Bikers are a flighty lot and I expected em to be rolling out quickly but as I played my most uptempo material, and added three Christmas blues tunes they mostly hung around til the very end.

I sold more NehoSoul Christmas CD’s than HOGWASH books which was a surprise.

What can I say this gig was all gravy for this old biscuit. I left thinking about bringin my own stage set up all the time and just playin in parking lots. At least there’s no line at the door!.

Sunday Morning I played the tiniest little church in Montclair “Church In The Oaks”. Inside was the most intimate of church settings. Felt like a glorified attic! with carpet and vaulted ceiling. It was remarkably comfortable. So sound proof that they needed little in the way of P.A.

This was a “partnering with pastors” service. Done in a conversation with the local pastor. It went so well conversationally that I only played five songs.

There has been a flow in my “content” on stage as a direct result of personal hardship that I can only attribute it to Divine design. The message is built around Psalm 119:71 “the sufferings you sent, were good for me”… I had a new story example for every song this morning. I included my feelings about my son leaving a Christmas card for me last year. and when I sang: “I would like to say.. just before I leave you”…. from “I love you with my life”. there were tears all around.

The moment was so powerful that I had to end with this song and let that moment linger. The whole message was about seeing difficult people as the ‘God sends’ that they are. Because usually its the same people close to you that bring you joy if you persevere.

I was done by noon. Driving home I thought about the things I’ve tried to make happen vs the things God surprised me with. and I can see that He is plowing a different field with me. One I have continually overlooked in my search for something “bigger”.

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My "Community Services".

Two gigs this weekend and still home on sunday! I like it. I got to take my wife to the private Birthday party for a 50 year old fan of my music. Interesting too his name was Kieth Green!

it was a costume party and all the dead musicians were there! I felt a little uncomfortable coming dressed as “Myself”. it was also being held in a senior citizen’s facility!

Chris Henson put the party on and went out of his way to make this outrageous. And by nine oclock I was on a private date with my wife in Laguna Hills.

Saturday night came to early by five thirty it’s dark already this time of year. If one is going to the “Road House Biker Church” one must pull up on a motorcycle! at least that is my take.

I had to dawn full riding leather for this one. the ride home was in 53 degree weather! not cold for some of ya.. but real close to when I trade a bike in for a cage!.

Road House is an awesome little saloon feel meets little country church meets old fashioned tent revival. original wooden pews, swinging doors, and all fresh cut wood interior.. I think a saw dust floor what have taken me back to my early childhood.

It was great to get back to what I do best. after this week I might have forgotten that I actually do ‘community service” for free all the time! and I am more passionate about it now.

O.k. So ‘moving on’… bryan d

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Candy Bash on a Flatbed

It was Halloween weekend and my head was missing. I forgot my cell phone battery charger, lost the keys to my bike, had to park it in the sanctuary overnight cause I couldn’t lock it up. Forgot to bring the phone number to hook up with the CMA crew who met me at the Grapevine to ride the final two hours up the 99 north.

Eight bikers showed up to ride in. I had a great time with them. Made the four hour trip a lot shorter. Thanks to George Esparza.

Played on a flatbed outdoors for a candy bash. Came on after a really good progressive metal band. Guitar player and drummer were spectacular. Guitarist did a Joe Satrianni piece that was impressive.

It was candy night of course and I was full of  it! Humor went over well too.

Sunday came an hour late but everyone was at church on time for a change. I brought an hour of the service. Ken Rasmussen might have trusted me too much!

Great and humble folks at Valley Life, and that sanctuary was the perfect music hall.

I ran into two hundred HOG members at the grapevine coming home and discovered that several had already read the HOGWASH book cover to cover!

Jezebel was in a great mood ridin home in the pale moonlight.

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A Duet

My youngest son, Devin Alan, asked me, rather timidly, if he might sing with me on a duet that I wrote for the Imperials last year. (they never recorded it). I was flattered out of my mind! My kid wants to sing with his old man? I would be honored! I’m embarrassed that I never once thought of recording this song myself.

But now with my own father’s health precarious, I’d like to do this for him and my own “offspring”. Devin is a singer/songwriter/actor which means he’s also working at the bowling alley between casting calls. 8) (I know the ‘starving artist’ thing pretty well myself).

Today I booked Jasmine Sound studio in San Clemente, Ca.. And I will meet my 25 year old halfway! He’s comin from downtown L.A. and me? I’m in the Desert. I’ll take pics and we’ll see if we have something we want to offer to the public… or maybe just for family and friends!

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My first "Speech"

Thank you for inviting me to be with you this morning I consider this a real honor.

I’d like to open with a letter I wrote to God, from a book I have coming out this year, called Dear God… Really?  Prayers you won’t hear in church.

Dear God… Make me a success

I’m not sure what that means really, but my vision is to be independently wealthy, so I don’t need anybody. I’ll pay appropriate homage to you of course and act humble. I’ll give to those in need too, I just don’t want to be one of them. I’d like to be in control and look good to everyone around me.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I do look a lot more spiritual when I’m not lacking anything. It’s easier to tell others about you and how you made it all happen. It’s a win-win for both of us. As I see it, no body listens to poor people! Here’s where your plan for “spreading the gospel” might not be working. Most of your followers have very little influence in their communities. The Gospel is the “Good News” right? So what could be better than not being needy?

Thanks for letting me share… amen

My favorite read is Oswald Chambers.. mostly his devotional “my utmost for his highest”… I call him Ozzie… the one thing that has stuck out in the last year from his work is where he says “avoid posing as a profound person”…

So here I am accepting an opportunity to speak to you about some great insights into success. All I know is I’ve been in the music business for 40 years. I’m still here. So I guess I’m successful.

I relate most to a quote in the movie ‘As Good As It Gets. The Gay guy observes of the disgruntled novelist about his new attempt at a love life….“the one thing you have going for you is your willingness to humiliate yourself”.

This morning I’ve been asked to speak to you about “The cost of success and the Road To Redemption”. I don’t pretend to know that cost in actual figures. But I know I’m still making payments! and my interest rate is pretty high. In the movie the Awakening, a researcher, being interviewed for a new job says, “I’ve been studying the habits of worms for the last 20 years, to see if there was any chance of using worm feces for fertilizer”. ? “that would never work” the interviewer says. The researcher replies “Yes, I know that now” .

The cost of success is greatest in discovering what success is not! And these days it might be discovering what success is not anymore! We have a golden opportunity in these lean times to sharpen our focus on what is most productive. They say companies are run better with less waste when they can no longer afford to waste. In rehab, I recall a statement about climbing the ladder of success only to find the ladder was leaning against the wrong building. What I have learned recently is that Upward movement can be a deception. I have also learned in my own experience that if the ladder is not stable the climb will be a waste of time.

I had a reasonably stable ladder as a young man. My dad was a preacher, so was my mom for that matter. I could point out the defects of character in my parents that I might have inherited, but all in all I was given a good foundation. One thing I had to learn by myself however, is that having the answers before you know the questions does not help you work the problem. Put an arrogant big shot on a “stable” but skinny ladder and when he gets to the top his own weight distribution will definitely change the dynamic.

I believe maintaining a balanced EGO might be the first cost of success. Cause it gets fatter the closer to the top of the ladder you get. I found myself expecting more and delivering less.

I’ve always questioned Jesus’ words “if you want to lead learn to be the servant of all”. I chose to “delegate” my service requirements. To the point I had too much time on my hands. I was financially unworried for thirty years. But I was not content. My passion became a distant cousin in my little family business.

I wrote a song recently, that says “You gotta do what you love… and love what you get”.  That’s really where I might have gone wrong to begin with. I was unhappy with the results of my passion, mostly it was because it was never enough!.  Pretty soon it was “just business”. I ended up in Rehab at the top of my career, another disillusioned victim of addictions. I became my own biggest liability.

I know what that cost me. I lost a wife, and the fragile trust of many, my home, and at least half of my career. But God was gracious in that I was not the recipient of Public humiliation. I quietly checked into a Rehab In 1990 mostly for long term depression. I reached an early arrival at “gaining the world and losing my own soul”. Looking back I would say it was a matter of poorly defined parameters about what success is, always followed by unrealistic expectations. After all I was only looking for Universal acceptance and world wide domination.

I have always had well meaning intentions, but even my most noble of causes have been side lined by my own defects of character. Being something of a Rock Star, I was afforded the notion, that I was above the law and the rules did not apply to me. Simple ones, like the rules of consequence. My choices for self comfort were justified when my bank account was healthy, but I was growing spiritually bankrupt even as I wrote and sang the regurgitated messages of hope and salvation that paid the bills. I don’t lay out my list of addictions as I believe they are merely symptoms of a deeper affliction. Behaviors, you’ve all heard about time and again from celebrities who answer to no one, are so typical they become rather boring. What I’d like to say here is that Recovery works when you work it. I might add it stops when you stop.

I’ve been working a recovery program since 1990. I’d like to say I’ve had no problems since arriving at Step 12 but the truth is I am still powerless over my dependencies (starting with an unaligned Self Determination) and they are still capable of making my life unmanageable. I’ve heard the stories of those who’ve been miraculously and instantaneously transformed by the power of God. That has not been my experience. God delivers me daily, but he has never removed my power to choose between success and failure.

I could list the things I do that are constructive to rehabilitation too but it usually serves to place me in denial about what I’m still capable of doing in a direction that is not suitable for success in life. Jesus Christ is my higher power and supreme redeemer but I still discount his work in me, and ignore one principle while following another.

I’ve learned that Salvation can be quick but Redemption is a process. Recovery is for everyone eventually. It’s like I say on my radio rehab show on line: “if you have living relatives, you have something to recover from”. So don’t think you have to be a crack addict before you believe you need to find a way to overcome yourself as a liability.

Addiction is merely self will run amuck. It can be whatever makes your life unmanageable. It may be as subtle as self serving greed! If the consequences of giving in to temptations were immediate, we probably wouldn’t be tempted at all. The denial starts from the beginning that “just this once” I’ll go around the boundaries.

No one recalls the seven years I wrote and sang music without a contract or a budget. And no one will ever award you for the daily discipline it will take before success arrives either. They will only see the results of what pans out. I think of the leper who dipped seven times in the Jordan. He only came up once with pure skin.

If you are personally defective in some area of your life that only you might know, You have a lot of company so don’t stand alone. “Confess your faults one to another that you might be healed” it says in James chapter 5 verse 16. the recovery program adds:  “to God, yourself and at least one other person, someone you trust”!

No one recovers alone… and success really does have many fathers. “Yes, I know that now!” I took much for granted of those who worked on my behalf. I have made and am still making amends for my thoughtlessness and unappreciative nature.

Today I would say that I am happier doing more with less. More than I have ever been! Because my passion has been restored above all else. It gives me a better attitude regardless of what the economy does or the circumstances I am in. I am successful because I can see the value in all the things I once took for granted. I used to get disappointed with God because he would never tell me the outcome of my efforts or give me a clear look at the future.  What I realize now is that I was overlooking the joy of surprises.

I heard a statement in the movie “call of the wild”… speaking of a boy who left home and disconnected from his parents dysfunctional lives never to be heard from again. “They are not the same people” his sister says in a letter to him that he never read. “they are people softened by the forced reflection that comes with loss”. Gentleman that would be me! softened by the forced reflection that comes with loss.

I have started over from scratch. Redefining what is within reasonable boundaries for risk to achieve. I believe Jesus died for my sins but God surely lets me suffer the consequence of my own free will. Perhaps so that I may grow in wisdom so that in my old age I can say. God’s will is more than a suggestion for a good life. There is only one path that leads to success. It is through the denial of your own self satisfying desires. If your goal to be successful includes being “self satisfied” , You will not find true success at anything!

Someone told me that if you invest everything in one thing, you will be forever disappointed. Because there will be no surprises, only great expectations, and surely much disappointment.

I like something I heard from a friend in Recovery who said “what if your plan b was really God’s plan A all along. I have come to believe that Happiness is a by product of business until God surprises you with his plan A blessings. Something that cannot be worked for to achieve.  It comes with the insight into how much we are already successful because Christ has redeemed us apart from any effort on our part. We are now free to pursue whatever is pure and noble and of good report.

I wish you all the insight into what makes you truely successful.  thank you for letting me share.

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