I read the comment of someone traveling over 8 hours to see me sing at a church and I only did two songs! I know that some things are out of my control. But this continues to haunt me.

Every musician and artist goes through the highs and lows of popularity. But concerts as a way of outreach has been horribly discounted in recent years and with the decline of the music business in the way of hard sales of product due to downloading and theft  has left me in a position of attaching myself to what ever draws the audience.

I have spent countless hours before God, in anticipation of a new vision with regards to what I’m doing. Touring holds no passion for me these days. The road life was so unproductive for me as to leave me nearly corrupted. The cost was enormous! And my losses in the way of community and family have left me with a floundering sense of true purpose.

I’m incredibly slow at processing my dilemma’s. I remain stuck in my own denial. my persception is untrustworthy mostly. I become paranoid about what I believe to be happening. Is it merely my own decline? or is there a decline everywhere, that music is not the force that it once was.

Is it just that older people (like myself) just don’t have time to attend concerts? Unless drinks are served in a comfortable and entertaining atmosphere no one makes the effort.

true that one man will travel 8 hours to hear me sing. but those ten minutes away find some distraction that prevents them from attending.  and so I am relegated to participating in someone else’s agenda.

The information super highway has made it hard to get anyone’s attention for more than a few seconds and the demand for new material is almost oppressive. Headlines with little content continues to be the wave. Give me the readers digest version. I’ll check out “Whatever” for dummies and move on.

Clearly the world has drastically changed and I have not kept up. Typical old person feeling I’m sure. “the world went and got itself in a big damn hurry” says a convict getting out after a 20 year prison sentence. In the movie Shawshank Redemption.

“Either get busy livin or get busy dyin” they add in that story. I’m choosing life myself. but I’m also like the star character in this movie. Tunneling through 200 feet of stone wall with a small rock hammer!

Here’s prayin that we may find what God intends because all else is a waste of time. If it is darkest just before the dawn… then surely the dawn is at hand now more than ever!